Happiness may be a choice, but it's not always the right one.

When my husband and I decided to get married I didn't originally picture myself in a big white dress.  I seldom have interest in doing what other people usually do, and I was not one of those people who had her "big day" all mapped out in her mind ahead of time.  The marriage interested me, not the wedding particularly.

As the details of the event came together I learned a lot of valuable lessons.  There are certain rites of passage that remain in the culture for a reason, and how you handle them can tell you a lot about yourself and others.  I assumed from the start I would just buy myself a nice dress I could use again because that kind of sartorial practicality seemed like me.  But it also seemed like friends of mine who had married before me and chosen a big white dress.  One of those friends told me to just try one on, because why not?  When she had, she'd discovered she liked it.

To my utter surprise I liked it too.  Because it's fun and it's a way to set that day apart from any others.  I realized that my wedding day was the only day I could wear such a dress and have it mean something important.  I could certainly wear a wedding dress any other day I wanted, but it would only be an oddity or a costume.  I had one chance to wear such a thing with any meaning to it.  Why would I pass up that chance?

Lessons in Love

Listen To Your Mother is a performance of readings by local writers in cities around the nation in celebration of Mother's Day.  I auditioned last week for the Milwaukee incarnation of the show but unfortunately did not make the cut.  I've watched many clips from past years online and it looks like a remarkable experience to be a part of.  Maybe I will be lucky enough to be included next time.

For now I thought I would share my essay here.  Hope you like it!

UPDATE:  This essay was purchased by the site Rewire Me for publication on Mother's Day 2013 and is being reposted with permission. Check it out here!

This essay was also recorded for the show Lake Effect and aired on May 11, 2013.

LESSONS IN LOVE by Korinthia A. Klein

Before I had children I thought I knew love.  I certainly knew what it was to love my family--My parents and my brothers and grandparents, to love friends, and to love my husband.  But loving a child is different.  There is no choice in it.  I believe I would do anything for the people I care about, but I'm aware that it would be a choice.  With my children there is no choice.  They can have whatever of myself they need without question.  That is a love I did not know before I had my first daughter, Aden.

When we decided to have a second child we managed to get pregnant on the first attempt.  As we got closer to the birth of our daughter, Mona, I wondered if it was really possible to love this new baby as much as the first.  My love for Aden was so all-encompassing, how could anyone compete?  What would I have left to give?  But my ability to love expanded easily to include Mona.  That was an amazing thing to learn, that love could be so huge.

I was raised with two brothers and always pictured myself as a mother of three one day, so as Mona reached a point where she was up and around and causing trouble it seemed time to get pregnant again.  Getting pregnant had been easy so we didn’t think much of it.

It never occurred to me that I would have a problem staying pregnant.