How to Feel Good about 44

Happy Birthday to me!  I get to be 44.  That's a lot of trips around the sun (for which I probably over-packed).

I've been coming across a lot of blog posts recently by people who are feeling freaked out about reaching certain ages, particularly numbers like 40, 45, and 50.  I have trouble relating to this.  I had a nice childhood, but wasn't satisfied being a child.  I was more than glad to be out of my teens.  I didn't particularly care about not being in my 20s anymore because I never fit in with what people supposedly did in their 20s.  I was sad to not be considered young at some point, but looked forward to being taken more seriously.  I remember when I was in college and I realized when I did the math that at our family New Year's Eve party in 2000 I would be 31 and was a little concerned.  Reaching 30 sounded very adult and responsible in a way I wasn't sure I could live up to.  I briefly pictured myself in a pink sweater and pearls and feeling it was inappropriate to climb on chairs to put up decorations at that grown up stage.  And then I realized that was silly.  Why would I change in that way?  I wouldn't.  And didn't.

I did feel a little worried when I turned 30 that I wasn't where I thought I should be yet at that age, but I was on my way.  My 30s turned out to be a big, complicated blur of pregnancies and C-sections and deployments and diapers and violin work and home ownership and what have you.  I was very busy, but I have no picture of myself in my mind being in my 30s.  I feel as if I simply survived my 30s. 

But the 40s?  I'm liking this.  My body isn't tied up with my children the way it used to be with gestation and breast feeding and constant contact.  With my kids' independence comes more of my own, and that bit of distance is making me feel like a whole person.  A person with possibilities.  There is so much good stuff to do!  So many wonderful things ahead!  A number like 44 doesn't diminish that for me.

The biggest secret to feeling good about being 44?  Don't start exercising until you're 43.