This isn't a real post. This is me just needing a moment to vent. I'm trying to find time to thoughtfully prepare some ideas and sort out some important issues, but I keep getting stuck and overwhelmed, so thoughtful will have to wait.
Tonight I'm just tired of mean.
And I'm in tears because while scrolling along on Facebook I came across a video made by some young boys in a school who were taunting another boy and ended up chasing him down a crowded hall and trapping him in a corner. The video ends there, with the boy looking apprehensive and somewhat defiant.
What happened to him? Is he okay? What the hell is wrong with people?
I just can't believe so many people's willingness to be intentionally cruel. That behavior is poisonous. And I feel at the moment as if our society's tolerance for allowing that poison to leach into everything has risen to truly toxic levels.
There is no way to say this without sounding like a clueless Pollyanna, but it's so much better to be kind. And easier, frankly, in the long run. Mean is lazy and ugly and hurts everyone involved.
I'm tired of people gleefully inflicting damage on others. I'm tired of bystanders letting it happen. I'm tired of willful ignorance and lies. I'm tired of flaws too huge to know how to fix. I'm tired of greed. I'm tired of the waves of hopelessness that keep passing over me at unexpected intervals.
I'm tired of crying so much lately. It's also late and I'm probably just plain tired. Maybe in the morning something will be better.
I think, too, that when we are going through something personally - be it problems with a teen or a marriage or whatever - we can't help wondering why people feel it necessary to ADD to the amount of naturally occurring trouble in the world by being mean to others. I mean, seriously, isn't life hard enough?
ReplyDeleteI think that all the time. No one gets through life unscathed--there will be struggle and pain at some point, so no reason to go looking for it. I wish the instinct of more people was to try to make the world better, rather than lash out at it to try to bring others to their damaged level.
DeleteKorinthia, I've been reading you for a long time because I love your thoughtful, quiet voice. Thank you for spreading your unique kind of nice. It makes me happy to read about your lovely family standing in for human decency in your creative, varied ways. I've been in a similar depressed state, with an extra dash of panic about my multiracial family. But reading you gives me faith about what is good in our nation. And I have friends who picked up my slack while I gathered my emotions back together. They spoke out about things that I worry most about, just for me, because I was too busy crying. The good is there. You're in the center of it so it's harder to see.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Chris. I'm so sorry your family feels vulnerable. I'm actively trying with my own family to make this country what I think it should be, a place where we all feel safe and respected. It's a Sisyphean task, but we'll keep at it in our own small way. Because what else can we do and still live with ourselves?
DeleteI'm hoping the morning brought something better for you. It did for me: this gave me a great sense that somebody feels this too. (Somebodies, apparently!).
ReplyDeleteThank you!
The morning always brings my dog following me to the bathroom and a glimpse of my ever taller kids before they head off to do their own things, and a kiss from my husband. I try not to take such things for granted, even when I'm down.
DeleteYou are very much NOT alone. I think we just have to figure out how to harness our energy into something effective rather than symbolic. That will be hard, but satisfying.