Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Can we please do this again?

The kids and I finally got out for some long overdue volunteer work.

Our lives are busy.  It's a lot of work to run our own store.  We have violin, choir, piano, orchestra, rehearsals, concerts, Army weekends, homework, practicing, projects, exercise...  The daily grind alone of meals and laundry and cleaning for five people plus walking the dog is enough to fill an average day, even without an unexpected monkey wrench thrown into the schedule to make things harder.

But I've always felt we should be making time somewhere to help others because we have so much.  We never want for food or clothes.  We have a home, our health, and most importantly we have each other.  I don't know how people alone in this world get by.  Too many among us aren't so lucky.

Last week Ian took over the last few hours at the store for me one day, and the kids and I joined a family down the street to a Catholic church downtown where they hand out meals to people in need.  I'm so glad we did.



Aden got to hand out desserts, and loved being able to tell people in line they could take two.  I handed out bread.  Mona was nervous and stuck close to me.  She took her job handing each person a plastic spoon and fork very seriously.  Quinn stood at the end of the table and handed out packets of salt and pepper.  After about 45 minutes we got to take our turn in line and go eat with the same people we'd just served.  Then we returned to help dish out the last of the food.

Most of it was as I expected.  The volunteers were friendly.  It's heartbreaking to see so many people in need.  Several had sleeping bags with them, and I explained to my kids that was because they sleep on the street.  It felt good to be doing something.  It felt bad to know it was not enough.

The number of kids in the line was depressing, but there was also something reassuring about being reminded that kids are kids.  One little girl specifically asked Mona if she could have the one blue plastic spoon in her tray, and Mona happily obliged.  Mona herself had saved out the one clear plastic fork to use when it came time for her to eat.

Something I was not expecting was to have trouble making conversation during the meal.  I think of myself as someone who can talk to almost anyone, but I couldn't find anywhere to start.  It seems weird to ask, "Where are you from?" somehow.  "What do you do?" isn't really on the table.  Clothing doesn't provide good clues since it's possible they didn't have much of a choice about what they were wearing.  The weather isn't even a safe topic, because for me to note that, "Boy, it's really starting to feel like fall" has different meaning when the person I'm talking to is directly impacted by the drop in temperature and I will go home to my nice warm house where the weather is irrelevant.  The best I could do was talk about the food in front of us.  We speculated about the flavor of a colorful cake, and Mona and I agreed with the man across from us that it was probably banana.  I'm hoping next time something will occur to me, or maybe someone else will know where to start.  Surely there's a way across that divide.

I don't think enough people realize how precarious our lives truly are.  Most of what separates me from the people we were helping is blind luck in terms of who I was born to and what opportunities were available in my life.  I'm not more deserving or better.  I'm lucky.  The most important insurance I have against winding up in the food line as a guest rather than a volunteer is my family.  I am fortunate to have a strong family and if disaster were to strike there are many places to which we could turn.  Even family members from whom I am currently estranged I believe would step up and assist before seeing my children end up on the street.

But what if that weren't the case?  How many places are there to go and feel safe?  I wonder how hard it is to work toward the kind of life I lead without a shower or a bed or regular meals.  The people I handed bread to were appreciative.  A few were funny.  Many seemed tired.  All of them seemed entitled to better.

I'm still exploring other volunteering options closer to home because I'd like to help people in our own neighborhood.  In the meantime, however, I think we're going to put it on our monthly schedule to go back to St Ben's if they can use us.  I'd prefer a more secular organization, but help is help regardless, and that church is doing good work.

Besides, even before we were done for the evening, as I stood beside Aden as she dished out salad and I topped it with dressing, she looked at me and said in earnest, "This is good.  Can we please do this again?"

"Yes," I assured her.  "Of course we can."

9 comments:

  1. Beautiful. I'm so glad you all were able to volunteer. I've been pondering the question of topics of conversation. Some things are universal, yes? What about favorite books or movies or music? Sometimes it's more important to just listen.

    I taught for seven years in a school with 99% free and reduced lunch. Many of my students were considered homeless because they lived in hotels. Many of my families had parents working two jobs and still barely making ends meet. You are absolutely right about the precarious natures of our lives. That was brought home to me on a daily basis.

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    1. I was actually hoping to listen, but nothing was forthcoming from the other side of the table, so maybe that's what others preferred anyway. I thought about asking about music, but wasn't sure really how. It does make you stop and reassess what things are common to all, doesn't it?

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  2. good work Momma...very very good work. Our kids do lots of service stuff through school, but I definitely want to do more as a family. My in-law's do ton of volunteer work and I want to try to get the kids more involved. It just seems so hard with all of the other "stuff" our kids do. Prior to 9-11 I did work in international humanitarian assistance and I try to bring that work into our family so they understand how lucky they are due to their happenstance of birth. Maybe bringing to a more tangible, local level will be better.

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    1. I feel ridiculous that it's taken this long (especially since the family that invited us to go with them has done that and more all the time and forever so they prove it's possible) but it is so hard to make time. But better late than never, and honestly my kids are at good ages for it now. We can all participate and I don't have to tend to them they way I would have not long ago.

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  3. I love that you guys are volunteering, and helping others in a need. I plan on doing the same with Forrest for when he is old enough to understand the meaning of contribution, and helping others in need. I think a simple "how are you doing" would be nice in a conversation. They are often ignored on the streets, and aren't approached with a simple greeting. You'd be surprised how a small greeting would leave a lasting impact on a person. :)

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  4. That's great that you are doing that for your community and your family. My mom has told me about the time when I was in elementary school and volunteered with her serving a meal at a homeless shelter. At the end of it all, I turned to her and told her that I now understood how important it was to brush my teeth every day. Kids have such a unique perspective and you never know what their key learning will be. I'm glad your kids enjoyed it and I hope you can work it into your schedule.

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  5. Kids are often so intuitive about things that are good. It sounds like a wonderful experience. I mentored a teen mom for a while through a program in our city; we really enjoyed each other, but oh my gosh, I asked her some dumb questions trying to keep the conversation going. She was very patient with my ignorance.

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  6. I'm so glad you guys could come and that it meant so much to you. And if you hit on something brilliant for dinner conversation, let me know. We still struggle with that after years of volunteering there. The commenter above who thought to just ask "How are you?" has a good idea. Seems basic, but maybe it would be a welcome question for at least some of these folks. We've also come to realize that our desire to connect may not always match with the desires of the guests there, who may, for whatever reason, prefer to eat their meal in silence. While I'd like to try to create an opening for conversation, if they don't really want to talk, should I try to make them? It's hard to know the best thing to do.

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    1. I'm fine to eat in silence, but it would be nice to know if that's what other people wanted. And I did say essentially, "How're you doing?" and just got polite nods and smiles in return and that was that. For all I know they spent the whole meal thinking, "What on earth can I talk about with her?" but were more likely uninterested in my presence. (I may just have to resort to props. Bring a Rubik's cube and see if anyone wants to mix it up or try and solve it.)

      Looking forward to the next dinner there (regardless of the conversation or lack thereof).

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