All my family (
including the dog) left yesterday for fun at
the cottage. I needed to stay behind because, well, part of running our own business means we don't often get to leave town together for any extended period of time. (I remember that from my childhood, when my parents ran their art gallery. We took very few family vacations, and when we did they were crazy whirlwind events where we crammed in as many Eastern states and museums as possible.)
It's very quiet here. It's especially strange not to have the dog in the house. At least
last year when I had to stay behind Chipper greeted me at the door in a frenzy of joy every day and gave me a sense of routine. It occurred to me at work that if I didn't bother to go home at the end of the day it didn't matter and no one would know or care. That's weird. And I didn't realize how many habits the dog had shaped in me until he wasn't underfoot. When I was cleaning out the fridge I could leave an open garbage bag on the floor, and I can run out the door for a moment without worrying the dog may get out if I'm not careful. It sounds silly, I'm sure, but it's a peculiar level of freedom I'm not used to.
I had high hopes for both writing and
violin making during all this uninterrupted free time, but I've fallen into a lot of cleaning instead. The house has gotten completely away from me lately, and to straighten up a room and have it stay that way is sort of exciting. (Because I am old and my idea of exciting is very sad.) Being in my house right now reminds me of a time when I visited a friend who had no kids and I watched her put her keys on a table and it struck me that in her world, those keys would still be there when she went back later. No little hands were rearranging random items as part of some endless game that threatened her sanity as a byproduct. I marveled that I ever lived in such a world and never appreciated it. But now I straighten up a room and when I walk through it the next day
it's still clean. Trippy.
Something I was not expecting to do was relive memories of Ian's deployments. But while I was cleaning up a couple of rooms downstairs tonight I was listening to the radio and Terry Gross did an interview on
Fresh Air with a writer named Angela Ricketts who has
a memoir out about her experiences at home with three kids during her husband's deployments. She lived through eight of them. Eight. I only had to get through two and that was plenty.